So last year was a total disaster in the dating arena. Less than 10 days out of 365 days in a year doing very very badly. Funny thing I think I have a very active social life - it just isnt of the dating kind.
Then I read the paper, there are 325,000 of us and no serious men in Kenya anymore. I kinda like those stats removes the pressure that something could be wrong with me but also creates a challenge - if really the numbers are that bad then a plan B has to be devised.
Then there is another reason I am doing this. On Christmas day - Uncle K gets drunk; the topic turns to relationships and all eyes turn on me. Uncle K starts analysing why he thinks I will remain a spinster forever despite the fact that he believes that I would be the perfect wife infact he offers to tell anyone he ever meets that I am the perfect wife. Anyways here are his 5 reasons 1) You are too independent 2) You are earning too much money 3) Your educational background scares off most guys - really? 4) Your job is too demanding - its one thing to travel around the world but who wants such a wife is his answer 5) You are too big. After he speaks - absolute total silence - and all eyes on me again. Its a good thing I am a great actress because it was really hard to hear those words. Uncle K has a failed marriage so I will not take what he says seriously. He also has a bad habit of saying things he shouldnt. But we love him, he is family and thus he is 'forgiven'.
But could there be any ounce of truth in what he said. The money part and independent part are total hogwash (anything over 5000 is alot of money for uncle K, he sees me once a year so he cant be a judge on independence) Big thats true but come on - I dont think Im chopped liver - infact many days I look at the mirror and smile. My job - I absolutely love it. It took me a while to get it and Im going to hold onto it. Education - thinking of going for more classes and nothing will discourage that not even uncle K's drunken ramblings.
So given the competition and now that it is likely that its not raining men I need to learn as much as possible about relationships.
First step - analyse last years relationships (previous post) - Nothing wrong with those chaps they are just not the right ones for me.
Second step - Read all I can about relationships. So I am reading, www.catchhimandkeephim.com this was recommended by a friend. I am still deciding whether to buy the e-book .
Todays reading : 5 Dating Mistakes That Turn Men Off For Good. The main premise
Men DON'T MAKE MUCH SENSE to women anyway.
His advice: I am going to have to learn to STOP doing what makes "sense" to me ... And START doing what it is that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTED and MORE INTERESTED in me.
AND: this is what guys are looking for
Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If youhave a specific hip-to-waist ratio, withoutconsciously "measuring" it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction. ( HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM - I WILL NEVER LOOK LIKE A SUPERMODEL and I dont really want to lose weight).
Health: Things like how white the whites in youreyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they FEEL ATTRACTED to these things for some reason.-(My eyes are not white - I sit infront of a computer all day ok? My skin is ok apart from the time I used that new foundation but Im healing well, My scent - I do not go for a date without Micheal Germain's SEXUAL liberally sprinkled on me. It took me years to find that perfume and I know I smell good so no problems there)
"Emotional Fitness": If a woman has the kind of attitude and "vibe" about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent... then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate. (If you have read this blog - be the judge of emotional fitness - judge kindly please)
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Smart dating 2007? part 1
One of this years resolutions - find me a good man.
The competition- 325,000 other Kenyan women on the same search if our papers are to be believed. The only positive thing from all this - I now have an answer to the question all aunties ask - When will you get married? The answer - I am a statistic - in the husband crisis of Kenya.
So since I hate being a statistic, this year I will begin smart dating - first look back at past relationships (dates) and why I failed to meet a mate last year.
1st step and the content of this post - Analyse the men I met and dated in 2006.
Jan met C 1- Married dude - no go zone - end of story. Three dates till I found out - loved the flowers havent recieved a dozen red roses in years but will not commit adultry so it was goodbye.
May - June C - 2 - 3 dates, you came on strong and that was flattering. Date 1 and the major problem begins - a galfriend comes to sit with us - its true we are judged by our friends. Gal starts talking about how she has her sights on a rich mzungu fellow - who will leave is mzungu wife for her and she will move into his mansion in Muthaiga, she is quite funny but I cant figure out what is really going on only thing I can clearly see is your relationship not very platonic.
Date 2. Another date this time its your cousin - 50 year old man and his little 18 year old gal .... Now how am I supposed to get to know you if all dates are drinking meetings with your pals. Date 3 its my bday, wish I had another date but I guess im stuck with you - want a date on my birthday too. You name a lovely restaurant am excited then ...I cant believe its lunch with a business buddy? Then the conversation during lunch is about you need 50,000 ASAP (ie that afternoon) and those eyes that keep darting towards me like I would offer? I have only met you 4 times dude - I dont think so.
March - August V. I am not sure whether to classify you as a date but you made me hope so your in here buddy.... The first time I see you - I feel sorry for you. You come into a meeting sit next to a gal I know and she just gets up and walks away to another seat. I should have known then there was something about you but my first instinct was poor guy and why would that gal do that? Anyway before the evening is over you have my number. You dont call and neither do i that first month so why do you chew me out for not communicating. Then the emails begin. Your really smart and funny. I start looking forward to reading from you every morning when I get to work. We seem to share some things in common soI get all starry eyed until I talk to my friend... Its seems you are quite the casanova. What I cant fathom was how I behaved like a desparate gal and not even my friends could discourage me from communicating with you. So everyone is saying you are a playa but I feel we are really connecting - ha. Then comes the missed date: how can you confirm a date at 5:30 pm for 7:00 pm that evening and then fail to show up at all. To say I am mad - thats an understatement. But that is the beginning of the end. I might be slow because I still continue to talk to you and you even get the chance to invite me for a few other 'imaginary' dates but those bounced invitations dont hurt anymore infact I am now keeping score its 25 times you have offered to spend time with me but its never materialised. Before everyone reading this blog thinks Im crazy its just that its now a game, infact in any conversation that we have I always say that I am going to some place, you always offer to accompany me, I say yes and promptly forget about the invitation as you do too. What I wonder is if this is how you conduct your business you are so not reliable. I noticed it in other spheres of your life too and have heard if from other people too. Do you know no one relies on you at all for anything. People make plans with you and the minute you offer to do something - contingency plans are made. Anyways maybe one day the girl of your dreams will come by and you will keep time and keep dates with her. It clearly was not me so goodbye and goodluck.
September T. He resurfaces after a long time. There were times I used to think T was my soulmate. We met over 5 years ago and for the first two years I met you I was totally and utterly in love with you but you said nothing, did nothing. So why did I think you were coming back???. Over the years you always did kept in touch. Its amazing how you remembered my birthday all these years and are always the first one to wish me a happy day. Then you resurface - imagine my surprise when you confirmed a date, a real actual date just like old times. I loved our time together and it was good to catch up, in my eyes you are still a sweetie and will always be. The date ends with a promise of us hooking up once again soon and then you go back to your sms routine. Granted the smses are more regular now atleast once a week but they say nothing. "Hey how are you doing, I hope you are well". WHAT DO YOU WANT DUDE? Anyway I will continue to be polite say hey back but Im disappointed.
September L- Not a real date but this is real funny so has to be included here. Blind date being hooked up by a friend. Begin relationship by chatting with him when I get his email from my friend. He works in one of those far off places. Then he comes into town. I get a call at about 9 pm, apparently the guy is practically my neighbour and he wants to pop in for a brief chat and to meet me. There is a black out in the neighbourhood but I still say its ok. The dude comes to the door - Pretty good looking man - takes a double take when he sees me or is it my size - clearly not what he is expecting. I guess I do sound better on mail than I look :) Its great I have a sense of humor about how I look or would have been crushed by his comical expression . He comes in - I serve him juice and then we go through the most uncomfortable chit chat about life in general. Lights come back in some flats but not mine. A blessing or a curse? Anyway 20 minutes later he is out my door. I already know I will never see him again - have made no attachments even to the mail so its ok when he dont write - I dont write him either.
So thats how come I am a December 24th, 2006 statistic.
Are there good single men out there - you betcha? Will I meet one - hmmm given last years track record pickings looking pretty slim. I can only hold my breath and hope that this year brings better tidings. At least I know what didnt work - that should count for something shouldnt it? Next post. The relationships manuals - can I learn anything from them.
The competition- 325,000 other Kenyan women on the same search if our papers are to be believed. The only positive thing from all this - I now have an answer to the question all aunties ask - When will you get married? The answer - I am a statistic - in the husband crisis of Kenya.
So since I hate being a statistic, this year I will begin smart dating - first look back at past relationships (dates) and why I failed to meet a mate last year.
1st step and the content of this post - Analyse the men I met and dated in 2006.
Jan met C 1- Married dude - no go zone - end of story. Three dates till I found out - loved the flowers havent recieved a dozen red roses in years but will not commit adultry so it was goodbye.
May - June C - 2 - 3 dates, you came on strong and that was flattering. Date 1 and the major problem begins - a galfriend comes to sit with us - its true we are judged by our friends. Gal starts talking about how she has her sights on a rich mzungu fellow - who will leave is mzungu wife for her and she will move into his mansion in Muthaiga, she is quite funny but I cant figure out what is really going on only thing I can clearly see is your relationship not very platonic.
Date 2. Another date this time its your cousin - 50 year old man and his little 18 year old gal .... Now how am I supposed to get to know you if all dates are drinking meetings with your pals. Date 3 its my bday, wish I had another date but I guess im stuck with you - want a date on my birthday too. You name a lovely restaurant am excited then ...I cant believe its lunch with a business buddy? Then the conversation during lunch is about you need 50,000 ASAP (ie that afternoon) and those eyes that keep darting towards me like I would offer? I have only met you 4 times dude - I dont think so.
March - August V. I am not sure whether to classify you as a date but you made me hope so your in here buddy.... The first time I see you - I feel sorry for you. You come into a meeting sit next to a gal I know and she just gets up and walks away to another seat. I should have known then there was something about you but my first instinct was poor guy and why would that gal do that? Anyway before the evening is over you have my number. You dont call and neither do i that first month so why do you chew me out for not communicating. Then the emails begin. Your really smart and funny. I start looking forward to reading from you every morning when I get to work. We seem to share some things in common soI get all starry eyed until I talk to my friend... Its seems you are quite the casanova. What I cant fathom was how I behaved like a desparate gal and not even my friends could discourage me from communicating with you. So everyone is saying you are a playa but I feel we are really connecting - ha. Then comes the missed date: how can you confirm a date at 5:30 pm for 7:00 pm that evening and then fail to show up at all. To say I am mad - thats an understatement. But that is the beginning of the end. I might be slow because I still continue to talk to you and you even get the chance to invite me for a few other 'imaginary' dates but those bounced invitations dont hurt anymore infact I am now keeping score its 25 times you have offered to spend time with me but its never materialised. Before everyone reading this blog thinks Im crazy its just that its now a game, infact in any conversation that we have I always say that I am going to some place, you always offer to accompany me, I say yes and promptly forget about the invitation as you do too. What I wonder is if this is how you conduct your business you are so not reliable. I noticed it in other spheres of your life too and have heard if from other people too. Do you know no one relies on you at all for anything. People make plans with you and the minute you offer to do something - contingency plans are made. Anyways maybe one day the girl of your dreams will come by and you will keep time and keep dates with her. It clearly was not me so goodbye and goodluck.
September T. He resurfaces after a long time. There were times I used to think T was my soulmate. We met over 5 years ago and for the first two years I met you I was totally and utterly in love with you but you said nothing, did nothing. So why did I think you were coming back???. Over the years you always did kept in touch. Its amazing how you remembered my birthday all these years and are always the first one to wish me a happy day. Then you resurface - imagine my surprise when you confirmed a date, a real actual date just like old times. I loved our time together and it was good to catch up, in my eyes you are still a sweetie and will always be. The date ends with a promise of us hooking up once again soon and then you go back to your sms routine. Granted the smses are more regular now atleast once a week but they say nothing. "Hey how are you doing, I hope you are well". WHAT DO YOU WANT DUDE? Anyway I will continue to be polite say hey back but Im disappointed.
September L- Not a real date but this is real funny so has to be included here. Blind date being hooked up by a friend. Begin relationship by chatting with him when I get his email from my friend. He works in one of those far off places. Then he comes into town. I get a call at about 9 pm, apparently the guy is practically my neighbour and he wants to pop in for a brief chat and to meet me. There is a black out in the neighbourhood but I still say its ok. The dude comes to the door - Pretty good looking man - takes a double take when he sees me or is it my size - clearly not what he is expecting. I guess I do sound better on mail than I look :) Its great I have a sense of humor about how I look or would have been crushed by his comical expression . He comes in - I serve him juice and then we go through the most uncomfortable chit chat about life in general. Lights come back in some flats but not mine. A blessing or a curse? Anyway 20 minutes later he is out my door. I already know I will never see him again - have made no attachments even to the mail so its ok when he dont write - I dont write him either.
So thats how come I am a December 24th, 2006 statistic.
Are there good single men out there - you betcha? Will I meet one - hmmm given last years track record pickings looking pretty slim. I can only hold my breath and hope that this year brings better tidings. At least I know what didnt work - that should count for something shouldnt it? Next post. The relationships manuals - can I learn anything from them.
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