To say that the last two weeks have been crazy would be an understatement. I have gone from broken up to Engaged and back to broken up. I feel like I am in a roller coaster of emotions and its driving me crazy.
Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I felt we were drifting apart, I was tired of being treated badly and called it off. Two days later I convinced myself that I had made the biggest mistake of my life, considered the fact that he had lost his mum and convinced myself I was being a jerk. So I called him and made up. We talked about our problems and that was it.
Days later we were together again. Ours is a long distance relationship so I rely alot on phones and chat. A week later we are happily chatting and he asked the one question that I have been longing to hear. What would you say if I proposed.. ? So I asked are you proposing and he is like yes, something like that. I couldnt believe it, the answer came out immediately - yes I would marry you. In that moment I experienced pure joy. I have never been happier than I was in the next 2 days. I couldnt hide it even my collegues noticed. Soon I was on the phone telling all my friends about my engagement. Everyone I told was soo happy.
Until today. Opened my facebook I see that He has added a new friend so decide to check out who this new gal is. It guess coz I never look at mens phones but something made me open his profile on facebook. When asked how do you know this person, the new friend is listed as "Dated since 2007 and practically married" . You know they say when you go through shock its like an out of body experience. I couldnt, couldnt move, couldnt look, couldnt do anything for about 10 minutes.
Its now been about 3 hours since. In that time I have sent him an email aptly titled "Dated since 2007 and practically married". Breaking it up. Removed him as a friend on facebook, deleted his number from my phone (that one is stupid but I had to do something). Then I arranged drawers in the office, its amazing how you have to do something when your hands are shaking, you want to cry but cant (you are at work, you have to maintain some decorum). I am now counting the hours until I can go home. I need to go home and cry also need to get like stupidly drunk so I will pass by the bottle shop.
Now I am feeling lost, gosh cant even think about what to say. Who do I tell. How do I tell the people that I told that I got engaged on Friday and before the week is over there will never be a wedding. Its got to be the shortest engagement on the planet.
Cant write anymore, tears are building up in my eyes - I wish I could express this feeling but I cant.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Another relationship gone
My relationship is over. It ended over the weekend and the whole event was such an anticlimax its sad. It was a text breakup.
Well I cant do it anymore. I am sorry if I am like every other gal who is trying to look for committment but if a guy hasnt made up his mind about you after a year, its time to move on. So what killed our relationship, I was trying too hard to be nice and as my good friend E says that doesnt work - he is either into you or not into you at all. The long distance didnt help either. I honestly felt like the Nairobi stopover. He resented me for saying that but thats how I felt. In the beginning it was exciting but as tyme went on I began to resent the untruths he told every month he said he was coming and he did not make it.
Now I am single again. Back to square one. The story of my life.
Well I cant do it anymore. I am sorry if I am like every other gal who is trying to look for committment but if a guy hasnt made up his mind about you after a year, its time to move on. So what killed our relationship, I was trying too hard to be nice and as my good friend E says that doesnt work - he is either into you or not into you at all. The long distance didnt help either. I honestly felt like the Nairobi stopover. He resented me for saying that but thats how I felt. In the beginning it was exciting but as tyme went on I began to resent the untruths he told every month he said he was coming and he did not make it.
Now I am single again. Back to square one. The story of my life.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
life in general
Its forever since I blogged and alot has happened in the months.
My dude and I still together - wow- its almost a year since we met - too much drama has come and gone - this long distance relationship is killing me - its soo difficult. I know I am in love, the problem is he? He says the words - but my experience with men is talk is cheap - I need to see action. I need us to talk about our future if we have one. Its stupid that I wont be the one to ask or even prompt the subject so this relationship might go on and on with no comittment - But my African values mean that I wont even ask.
Work - Now I am now officially bored. I need a challenge, something, anything, Apart from the fact that I am happy I have a job to go to every morning and the free internet, nothing else is fun anymore. (OK an occasional trip)
Dreams - one is about to come true, got shortlisted for a scholarship and have a feeling I will get it. but that puts into question so many other things my relationship with L, leaving Nairobi with family and friends again to live abroad. (Its never easy is it?)
Politics - being an election year in Kenya must comment. Know my presidential candidate, know my paliamentary candidate - all thats left is the councillor. ( I dont want it to be like last time, I asked the old cucu infront of me in the line who she was going to vote for at the local level and then voted that same person - cant even remember if he won the vote or not)
I guess thats it. There are 1000 little stories that didnt get told during this time period when I was quiet - Maybe next time I blog some more.
My dude and I still together - wow- its almost a year since we met - too much drama has come and gone - this long distance relationship is killing me - its soo difficult. I know I am in love, the problem is he? He says the words - but my experience with men is talk is cheap - I need to see action. I need us to talk about our future if we have one. Its stupid that I wont be the one to ask or even prompt the subject so this relationship might go on and on with no comittment - But my African values mean that I wont even ask.
Work - Now I am now officially bored. I need a challenge, something, anything, Apart from the fact that I am happy I have a job to go to every morning and the free internet, nothing else is fun anymore. (OK an occasional trip)
Dreams - one is about to come true, got shortlisted for a scholarship and have a feeling I will get it. but that puts into question so many other things my relationship with L, leaving Nairobi with family and friends again to live abroad. (Its never easy is it?)
Politics - being an election year in Kenya must comment. Know my presidential candidate, know my paliamentary candidate - all thats left is the councillor. ( I dont want it to be like last time, I asked the old cucu infront of me in the line who she was going to vote for at the local level and then voted that same person - cant even remember if he won the vote or not)
I guess thats it. There are 1000 little stories that didnt get told during this time period when I was quiet - Maybe next time I blog some more.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
I vent like this
Today realised the org didnt use my article in their newsletter - I am little disapointed and need to vent. I cant post the whole article here (privacy and all) but one little part will stay with me for a while so I am cutting it and posting it.
The Trip
The first time on an airplane for anyone who has never flown before is always a daunting experience. At my training sessions, migrants are prepared for that first airplane trip using various interactive teaching approaches that simulate very closely how it will be on the plane. Using discussions, videos and role plays with materials such as seatbelts, life jackets, oxygen masks, headphones, airsickness bag and food trays; the migrants are prepared for their long air trip from Africa. However, like the famous author John Steinback once said “ A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it” and my trip escorting the migrants was not going to be any different.
One of the migrants on my flight - a young lady who was six months pregnant started experiencing false contractions due to the many hours she had spent sitting on uncomfortable chairs in airports, cabin pressure as well as all the anxiety that goes along with making such a major move. It was a tense couple of hours after that as staff from the airline and myself tried frantically to help the lady relax so that we wouldn’t have to declare a medical emergency in the middle of the Sahara desert with no airport in sight. The airline staff upgraded our seats from Economy seats to First class where she could lie down and stretch and that seemed to do the trick. We landed in Heathrow Airport and after paramedics checked her she was declared fit to continue with her onward journey .
The Trip
The first time on an airplane for anyone who has never flown before is always a daunting experience. At my training sessions, migrants are prepared for that first airplane trip using various interactive teaching approaches that simulate very closely how it will be on the plane. Using discussions, videos and role plays with materials such as seatbelts, life jackets, oxygen masks, headphones, airsickness bag and food trays; the migrants are prepared for their long air trip from Africa. However, like the famous author John Steinback once said “ A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it” and my trip escorting the migrants was not going to be any different.
One of the migrants on my flight - a young lady who was six months pregnant started experiencing false contractions due to the many hours she had spent sitting on uncomfortable chairs in airports, cabin pressure as well as all the anxiety that goes along with making such a major move. It was a tense couple of hours after that as staff from the airline and myself tried frantically to help the lady relax so that we wouldn’t have to declare a medical emergency in the middle of the Sahara desert with no airport in sight. The airline staff upgraded our seats from Economy seats to First class where she could lie down and stretch and that seemed to do the trick. We landed in Heathrow Airport and after paramedics checked her she was declared fit to continue with her onward journey .
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Travel blog - Somaliland,
Just realised had promised to post some more travel blogs,
As usual I have to write about my first impressions about a new country. This is Somaliland. I have to begin in Nairobi and the crazy day Friday was. My flight was at 5:30 pm. First at 8:00 am Ihad to go to a security briefing at UN done by a Canadian dude. The briefing did nothing for me other than make me very afraid coz he just kept talking about how UN guys have been targetted and how you should look for your safehouse (a bunker )and collection point when you would be picked up if someone started bombing the place. He showed enough pictures of heavily armed dudes with AK 47's joyriding. I have been here about a day now, If anyone bombs Hargeisa believe me there is nowhere to hide. I have a big problem with people telling me what to do in a crisis if they dont have a clue. Anyway, I get back to the office just to realise I need radio training and that I have a radio call sign my sign is 911 - its 2 pm andI decide its too late to know some stuff and I still have to take a security clearance document to UNDP before I leave for the airport. so I leave Nairobi not knowing how to handle a radio still dont know so I had better go find out from someone who does I heary ou have to check in every evening by radio otherwise a possee is sent for you.
The airplane Ethiopian Airlines - I like ET its very comfy they have new leather seats on my flight. For all of you who love my paintings from Ethiopia - Just you wait -I got 9 others. 2 of the former ones too so someone will be lucky - If your bday is next raise up your hand.... Soon I will have an entire gallery of ET art. Nothing much to report about ET. Went did myhair and nails - It cost me 3 dollars to do flat ironand manicure. I think I like ET. My hair was looking fabulous but unfortunately I had to cover up. Going to a muslim country.
I hate this scarf thing. Mine keeps falling off. So now I have a headscarf on - One with smirnoff written all over it - If they only knew.
Hargeisa. Its so difficult to explain. First we land at the airstrip. Picture an airstrip in the middle of shags, Its worse than the center of the earth. Infact the center of the earth can produce a more organised place. Then we go to immigration - It can only be explained as it is typical Somali ( I have never seen anything like it. Confusion galore) everyone shouting and there is no order. Luckily there was someone fromUN to pick us up. If I was alone I would have walked right back into the airplane and gone back to Ethiopia. Did I mention that the whole airport is one room with 2 desks and there are 400 people just milling around and all shouting at the top of their voices some carrying AK47's but in civilian clothes. Finally we are clear to go get our bags. Baggage check is an ox - cart -yes a mkokoteni and you go identify your bag and then they check the label and let you go. As we are walking out we are stopped by a man who is eating leaves. It didnt look like Miraa. His teeth were all green and he was waving a bunch of them in the air. He asks us where we are carrying boxes we had 3 tiny boxes of training material. He confisticates them and locks them in a store. No amount of pleading is going to have him release them. He looks like a thug, I did not speak in the entire time we were negotiating for the release of our bags. I was in too much shock. Note none of this is being done in an office its all in a very dirty room. We go tothe UN office which is 3 mins away and getassistance from the Logistics officer but the airportis closed in 7 mins when we come back. I dont feellike my words are communicating the utter stress I wasfeeling. I was in absolute shock and disgust. Since there is nothing much we could do we proceeded to the hotel we were booked in but on the way stopped by a money exchange place to change dollars into Somali currency.
1. There are no banks in Somaliland.
2. I got 1.26 million shillings for 200 dollars. Ithad to be put in a paperbag and it was very very heavy. Its also very old, dirty and stinky . You cant put the money near your stuff it will smell and this is the official currency.
3. Money is exchanged on the streets in broad daylight no need for security. The rate, its determined by the money changer. You can haggle - I think. By this time I can only laugh.
By this time I start appreciating the town. It is interesting - undeveloped but it has some posh things. For example the shop where we change money has things from the Middle east.We get to the hotel. Its pretty decent. Ofcourse all the drama of the day means that I have a headache whenI arrive. The hotel is clean and neat. The service soo far is fabulous. Its a little expensive but they have to die for icecream. There are 6 TV channels most of which are news. DW TV, Aljeezera Arabic,AljeezeraEnglish, BBC, CNN and one other entertaiment channel. I will be better informed about world happenings than all of you when I get back.
At lunch just learnt that government offices open from 9 - 11 am after that all go home till the next day. And you say Africa is underdeveloped and wonder why. Well the one tourist attraction I am looking forward to is the 21 carat gold that is sold on the dusty market streets. Somaliland.
As usual I have to write about my first impressions about a new country. This is Somaliland. I have to begin in Nairobi and the crazy day Friday was. My flight was at 5:30 pm. First at 8:00 am Ihad to go to a security briefing at UN done by a Canadian dude. The briefing did nothing for me other than make me very afraid coz he just kept talking about how UN guys have been targetted and how you should look for your safehouse (a bunker )and collection point when you would be picked up if someone started bombing the place. He showed enough pictures of heavily armed dudes with AK 47's joyriding. I have been here about a day now, If anyone bombs Hargeisa believe me there is nowhere to hide. I have a big problem with people telling me what to do in a crisis if they dont have a clue. Anyway, I get back to the office just to realise I need radio training and that I have a radio call sign my sign is 911 - its 2 pm andI decide its too late to know some stuff and I still have to take a security clearance document to UNDP before I leave for the airport. so I leave Nairobi not knowing how to handle a radio still dont know so I had better go find out from someone who does I heary ou have to check in every evening by radio otherwise a possee is sent for you.
The airplane Ethiopian Airlines - I like ET its very comfy they have new leather seats on my flight. For all of you who love my paintings from Ethiopia - Just you wait -I got 9 others. 2 of the former ones too so someone will be lucky - If your bday is next raise up your hand.... Soon I will have an entire gallery of ET art. Nothing much to report about ET. Went did myhair and nails - It cost me 3 dollars to do flat ironand manicure. I think I like ET. My hair was looking fabulous but unfortunately I had to cover up. Going to a muslim country.
I hate this scarf thing. Mine keeps falling off. So now I have a headscarf on - One with smirnoff written all over it - If they only knew.
Hargeisa. Its so difficult to explain. First we land at the airstrip. Picture an airstrip in the middle of shags, Its worse than the center of the earth. Infact the center of the earth can produce a more organised place. Then we go to immigration - It can only be explained as it is typical Somali ( I have never seen anything like it. Confusion galore) everyone shouting and there is no order. Luckily there was someone fromUN to pick us up. If I was alone I would have walked right back into the airplane and gone back to Ethiopia. Did I mention that the whole airport is one room with 2 desks and there are 400 people just milling around and all shouting at the top of their voices some carrying AK47's but in civilian clothes. Finally we are clear to go get our bags. Baggage check is an ox - cart -yes a mkokoteni and you go identify your bag and then they check the label and let you go. As we are walking out we are stopped by a man who is eating leaves. It didnt look like Miraa. His teeth were all green and he was waving a bunch of them in the air. He asks us where we are carrying boxes we had 3 tiny boxes of training material. He confisticates them and locks them in a store. No amount of pleading is going to have him release them. He looks like a thug, I did not speak in the entire time we were negotiating for the release of our bags. I was in too much shock. Note none of this is being done in an office its all in a very dirty room. We go tothe UN office which is 3 mins away and getassistance from the Logistics officer but the airportis closed in 7 mins when we come back. I dont feellike my words are communicating the utter stress I wasfeeling. I was in absolute shock and disgust. Since there is nothing much we could do we proceeded to the hotel we were booked in but on the way stopped by a money exchange place to change dollars into Somali currency.
1. There are no banks in Somaliland.
2. I got 1.26 million shillings for 200 dollars. Ithad to be put in a paperbag and it was very very heavy. Its also very old, dirty and stinky . You cant put the money near your stuff it will smell and this is the official currency.
3. Money is exchanged on the streets in broad daylight no need for security. The rate, its determined by the money changer. You can haggle - I think. By this time I can only laugh.
By this time I start appreciating the town. It is interesting - undeveloped but it has some posh things. For example the shop where we change money has things from the Middle east.We get to the hotel. Its pretty decent. Ofcourse all the drama of the day means that I have a headache whenI arrive. The hotel is clean and neat. The service soo far is fabulous. Its a little expensive but they have to die for icecream. There are 6 TV channels most of which are news. DW TV, Aljeezera Arabic,AljeezeraEnglish, BBC, CNN and one other entertaiment channel. I will be better informed about world happenings than all of you when I get back.
At lunch just learnt that government offices open from 9 - 11 am after that all go home till the next day. And you say Africa is underdeveloped and wonder why. Well the one tourist attraction I am looking forward to is the 21 carat gold that is sold on the dusty market streets. Somaliland.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
its my birthday
Well its yet another year. The last was fun - cant really complain. This one started of real interesting. Stuck in Khartoum - funny place never thought this would be where I would have a bday this year.
The day started of at work - I was pretty bored and I think it showed. Then this afternoon I spent at a Spa - Khartoum style - facial mask had an odd burning sensation, I hope I dont wake up with hives tomorrow.
Mr. Man called to wish me happy birthday - is it me or are we beginning to have problems - Something is wrong he is drifting - damn and I really really love the dude.
Yesterday was really weird meeting with R - how do you react to a woman who clearly is in love with your man. I honestly dont know how to react. Im jealous and I cant do anything about it - Im embarrased I actually tried to show off to her yesterday - talking about all my international travel, but no matter what she clearly has a bond with him. Then I cant believe how much he has told her about us - How is it her business that he slept on the couch when he last visited. I know they talk on the phone more than we do. She is jealous too and it hurts her when she talks about him - if I wasnt soo sad I would laugh.
Well hopefully one day soon I will look at this and smile - I just wish it could be easy for us all. Hell of a birthday blog but nomatter what the problems on the social side - got to make resolutions.
This year
1. Pray more, I used to have a close relationship with God, thats kind of gone lately. Have to work at it.
2. Get the career really moving - wasted a perfect chance today - let a deadline skip; That will never ever happen again.
3. Lose the weight. I guess the diet starts tomorrow coz there is so much sugar in Khartoum but now I am serious. I guess the more I blog about it , the more I think about it, the more likely I am to do something about it.
4. Socially do more, hang out with pals more but less clubbing, maybd do one charity thing this year, get involved with a childrens home and be active.
5. Work hard at a relationship. I want marriage and babies next year - by Dec 2008. I have exactly 18 months to do that, 9 to meet Mr. Right and then get pregnant right away.
Well Im counting my blessings today. I have a fabulous family, a fabulous job, a fabulous boyfriend(atleast today he is) and a great life. Thank God for that. Happy Birthday.
The day started of at work - I was pretty bored and I think it showed. Then this afternoon I spent at a Spa - Khartoum style - facial mask had an odd burning sensation, I hope I dont wake up with hives tomorrow.
Mr. Man called to wish me happy birthday - is it me or are we beginning to have problems - Something is wrong he is drifting - damn and I really really love the dude.
Yesterday was really weird meeting with R - how do you react to a woman who clearly is in love with your man. I honestly dont know how to react. Im jealous and I cant do anything about it - Im embarrased I actually tried to show off to her yesterday - talking about all my international travel, but no matter what she clearly has a bond with him. Then I cant believe how much he has told her about us - How is it her business that he slept on the couch when he last visited. I know they talk on the phone more than we do. She is jealous too and it hurts her when she talks about him - if I wasnt soo sad I would laugh.
Well hopefully one day soon I will look at this and smile - I just wish it could be easy for us all. Hell of a birthday blog but nomatter what the problems on the social side - got to make resolutions.
This year
1. Pray more, I used to have a close relationship with God, thats kind of gone lately. Have to work at it.
2. Get the career really moving - wasted a perfect chance today - let a deadline skip; That will never ever happen again.
3. Lose the weight. I guess the diet starts tomorrow coz there is so much sugar in Khartoum but now I am serious. I guess the more I blog about it , the more I think about it, the more likely I am to do something about it.
4. Socially do more, hang out with pals more but less clubbing, maybd do one charity thing this year, get involved with a childrens home and be active.
5. Work hard at a relationship. I want marriage and babies next year - by Dec 2008. I have exactly 18 months to do that, 9 to meet Mr. Right and then get pregnant right away.
Well Im counting my blessings today. I have a fabulous family, a fabulous job, a fabulous boyfriend(atleast today he is) and a great life. Thank God for that. Happy Birthday.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Weight loss
I know earlier I have proclaimed that I dont want to lose weight but I have changed my mind. Many reasons have made me change my mind. I always thought I was real confident but I guess I am not.
Two weeks ago, my new love gives me a towel from his gym as a gift. When we pass by the supermarket (health section he wants to check out slimming teas). I hate hints like that but the message is loud and clear.
Then the other day at lunch one of my dear friends points out that every time I talk about relationships with men its like they are doing me a favour by being in a relationship with me. I was hurt and stunned by what she said but somehow when I really think about it - its true. Could my weight be the major reasons I dont have successful relationships.
This last weekend - my grandpa's funeral. It was sad listening to people murmer at how huge I had become. Especially as I sat next to my sister who is now a whole 12 sizes smaller than I am.
Then this morning, looking through my email, I see Dr. Claude's email - 2 years ago. Shape up or lose your job. I hated that mail and ofcourse rebelled against it like crazy. But he did have a point, I just hated hearing about it. Ive had quite a number of experiences that are not funny, when you have to ask for an extension seatbelt on a plane or visit a refugee camp where everyone is really thin and you really stand out - I guess his email makes sense.
So today I make up my mind to lose weight. And hopefully this will be a great weight loss blog.
Two weeks ago, my new love gives me a towel from his gym as a gift. When we pass by the supermarket (health section he wants to check out slimming teas). I hate hints like that but the message is loud and clear.
Then the other day at lunch one of my dear friends points out that every time I talk about relationships with men its like they are doing me a favour by being in a relationship with me. I was hurt and stunned by what she said but somehow when I really think about it - its true. Could my weight be the major reasons I dont have successful relationships.
This last weekend - my grandpa's funeral. It was sad listening to people murmer at how huge I had become. Especially as I sat next to my sister who is now a whole 12 sizes smaller than I am.
Then this morning, looking through my email, I see Dr. Claude's email - 2 years ago. Shape up or lose your job. I hated that mail and ofcourse rebelled against it like crazy. But he did have a point, I just hated hearing about it. Ive had quite a number of experiences that are not funny, when you have to ask for an extension seatbelt on a plane or visit a refugee camp where everyone is really thin and you really stand out - I guess his email makes sense.
So today I make up my mind to lose weight. And hopefully this will be a great weight loss blog.
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