itswhatimthinking

Engaged for 5 days

2007-12-05T04:19:00.000-08:00

To say that the last two weeks have been crazy would be an understatement. I have gone from broken up to Engaged and back to broken up. I feel like I am in a roller coaster of emotions and its driving me crazy.

Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend. I felt we were drifting apart, I was tired of being treated badly and called it off. Two days later I convinced myself that I had made the biggest mistake of my life, considered the fact that he had lost his mum and convinced myself I was being a jerk. So I called him and made up. We talked about our problems and that was it.

Days later we were together again. Ours is a long distance relationship so I rely alot on phones and chat. A week later we are happily chatting and he asked the one question that I have been longing to hear. What would you say if I proposed.. ? So I asked are you proposing and he is like yes, something like that. I couldnt believe it, the answer came out immediately - yes I would marry you. In that moment I experienced pure joy. I have never been happier than I was in the next 2 days. I couldnt hide it even my collegues noticed. Soon I was on the phone telling all my friends about my engagement. Everyone I told was soo happy.

Until today. Opened my facebook I see that He has added a new friend so decide to check out who this new gal is. It guess coz I never look at mens phones but something made me open his profile on facebook. When asked how do you know this person, the new friend is listed as "Dated since 2007 and practically married" . You know they say when you go through shock its like an out of body experience. I couldnt, couldnt move, couldnt look, couldnt do anything for about 10 minutes.

Its now been about 3 hours since. In that time I have sent him an email aptly titled "Dated since 2007 and practically married". Breaking it up. Removed him as a friend on facebook, deleted his number from my phone (that one is stupid but I had to do something). Then I arranged drawers in the office, its amazing how you have to do something when your hands are shaking, you want to cry but cant (you are at work, you have to maintain some decorum). I am now counting the hours until I can go home. I need to go home and cry also need to get like stupidly drunk so I will pass by the bottle shop.

Now I am feeling lost, gosh cant even think about what to say. Who do I tell. How do I tell the people that I told that I got engaged on Friday and before the week is over there will never be a wedding. Its got to be the shortest engagement on the planet.

Cant write anymore, tears are building up in my eyes - I wish I could express this feeling but I cant.

Another relationship gone

2007-11-19T04:22:00.000-08:00

My relationship is over. It ended over the weekend and the whole event was such an anticlimax its sad. It was a text breakup.

Well I cant do it anymore. I am sorry if I am like every other gal who is trying to look for committment but if a guy hasnt made up his mind about you after a year, its time to move on. So what killed our relationship, I was trying too hard to be nice and as my good friend E says that doesnt work - he is either into you or not into you at all. The long distance didnt help either. I honestly felt like the Nairobi stopover. He resented me for saying that but thats how I felt. In the beginning it was exciting but as tyme went on I began to resent the untruths he told every month he said he was coming and he did not make it.

Now I am single again. Back to square one. The story of my life.

life in general

2007-09-25T05:37:00.000-07:00

Its forever since I blogged and alot has happened in the months.

My dude and I still together - wow- its almost a year since we met - too much drama has come and gone - this long distance relationship is killing me - its soo difficult. I know I am in love, the problem is he? He says the words - but my experience with men is talk is cheap - I need to see action. I need us to talk about our future if we have one. Its stupid that I wont be the one to ask or even prompt the subject so this relationship might go on and on with no comittment - But my African values mean that I wont even ask.

Work - Now I am now officially bored. I need a challenge, something, anything, Apart from the fact that I am happy I have a job to go to every morning and the free internet, nothing else is fun anymore. (OK an occasional trip)

Dreams - one is about to come true, got shortlisted for a scholarship and have a feeling I will get it. but that puts into question so many other things my relationship with L, leaving Nairobi with family and friends again to live abroad. (Its never easy is it?)

Politics - being an election year in Kenya must comment. Know my presidential candidate, know my paliamentary candidate - all thats left is the councillor. ( I dont want it to be like last time, I asked the old cucu infront of me in the line who she was going to vote for at the local level and then voted that same person - cant even remember if he won the vote or not)

I guess thats it. There are 1000 little stories that didnt get told during this time period when I was quiet - Maybe next time I blog some more.

I vent like this

2007-07-05T04:05:00.000-07:00

Today realised the org didnt use my article in their newsletter - I am little disapointed and need to vent. I cant post the whole article here (privacy and all) but one little part will stay with me for a while so I am cutting it and posting it.

The Trip

The first time on an airplane for anyone who has never flown before is always a daunting experience. At my training sessions, migrants are prepared for that first airplane trip using various interactive teaching approaches that simulate very closely how it will be on the plane. Using discussions, videos and role plays with materials such as seatbelts, life jackets, oxygen masks, headphones, airsickness bag and food trays; the migrants are prepared for their long air trip from Africa. However, like the famous author John Steinback once said “ A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it” and my trip escorting the migrants was not going to be any different.

One of the migrants on my flight - a young lady who was six months pregnant started experiencing false contractions due to the many hours she had spent sitting on uncomfortable chairs in airports, cabin pressure as well as all the anxiety that goes along with making such a major move. It was a tense couple of hours after that as staff from the airline and myself tried frantically to help the lady relax so that we wouldn’t have to declare a medical emergency in the middle of the Sahara desert with no airport in sight. The airline staff upgraded our seats from Economy seats to First class where she could lie down and stretch and that seemed to do the trick. We landed in Heathrow Airport and after paramedics checked her she was declared fit to continue with her onward journey .

Travel blog - Somaliland,

2007-07-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

Just realised had promised to post some more travel blogs,

As usual I have to write about my first impressions about a new country. This is Somaliland. I have to begin in Nairobi and the crazy day Friday was. My flight was at 5:30 pm. First at 8:00 am Ihad to go to a security briefing at UN done by a Canadian dude. The briefing did nothing for me other than make me very afraid coz he just kept talking about how UN guys have been targetted and how you should look for your safehouse (a bunker )and collection point when you would be picked up if someone started bombing the place. He showed enough pictures of heavily armed dudes with AK 47's joyriding. I have been here about a day now, If anyone bombs Hargeisa believe me there is nowhere to hide. I have a big problem with people telling me what to do in a crisis if they dont have a clue. Anyway, I get back to the office just to realise I need radio training and that I have a radio call sign my sign is 911 - its 2 pm andI decide its too late to know some stuff and I still have to take a security clearance document to UNDP before I leave for the airport. so I leave Nairobi not knowing how to handle a radio still dont know so I had better go find out from someone who does I heary ou have to check in every evening by radio otherwise a possee is sent for you.

The airplane Ethiopian Airlines - I like ET its very comfy they have new leather seats on my flight. For all of you who love my paintings from Ethiopia - Just you wait -I got 9 others. 2 of the former ones too so someone will be lucky - If your bday is next raise up your hand.... Soon I will have an entire gallery of ET art. Nothing much to report about ET. Went did myhair and nails - It cost me 3 dollars to do flat ironand manicure. I think I like ET. My hair was looking fabulous but unfortunately I had to cover up. Going to a muslim country.

I hate this scarf thing. Mine keeps falling off. So now I have a headscarf on - One with smirnoff written all over it - If they only knew.

Hargeisa. Its so difficult to explain. First we land at the airstrip. Picture an airstrip in the middle of shags, Its worse than the center of the earth. Infact the center of the earth can produce a more organised place. Then we go to immigration - It can only be explained as it is typical Somali ( I have never seen anything like it. Confusion galore) everyone shouting and there is no order. Luckily there was someone fromUN to pick us up. If I was alone I would have walked right back into the airplane and gone back to Ethiopia. Did I mention that the whole airport is one room with 2 desks and there are 400 people just milling around and all shouting at the top of their voices some carrying AK47's but in civilian clothes. Finally we are clear to go get our bags. Baggage check is an ox - cart -yes a mkokoteni and you go identify your bag and then they check the label and let you go. As we are walking out we are stopped by a man who is eating leaves. It didnt look like Miraa. His teeth were all green and he was waving a bunch of them in the air. He asks us where we are carrying boxes we had 3 tiny boxes of training material. He confisticates them and locks them in a store. No amount of pleading is going to have him release them. He looks like a thug, I did not speak in the entire time we were negotiating for the release of our bags. I was in too much shock. Note none of this is being done in an office its all in a very dirty room. We go tothe UN office which is 3 mins away and getassistance from the Logistics officer but the airportis closed in 7 mins when we come back. I dont feellike my words are communicating the utter stress I wasfeeling. I was in absolute shock and disgust. Since there is nothing much we could do we proceeded to the hotel we were booked in but on the way stopped by a money exchange place to change dollars into Somali currency.

1. There are no banks in Somaliland.
2. I got 1.26 million shillings for 200 dollars. Ithad to be put in a paperbag and it was very very heavy. Its also very old, dirty and stinky . You cant put the money near your stuff it will smell and this is the official currency.
3. Money is exchanged on the streets in broad daylight no need for security. The rate, its determined by the money changer. You can haggle - I think. By this time I can only laugh.

By this time I start appreciating the town. It is interesting - undeveloped but it has some posh things. For example the shop where we change money has things from the Middle east.We get to the hotel. Its pretty decent. Ofcourse all the drama of the day means that I have a headache whenI arrive. The hotel is clean and neat. The service soo far is fabulous. Its a little expensive but they have to die for icecream. There are 6 TV channels most of which are news. DW TV, Aljeezera Arabic,AljeezeraEnglish, BBC, CNN and one other entertaiment channel. I will be better informed about world happenings than all of you when I get back.

At lunch just learnt that government offices open from 9 - 11 am after that all go home till the next day. And you say Africa is underdeveloped and wonder why. Well the one tourist attraction I am looking forward to is the 21 carat gold that is sold on the dusty market streets. Somaliland.

its my birthday

2007-06-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

Well its yet another year. The last was fun - cant really complain. This one started of real interesting. Stuck in Khartoum - funny place never thought this would be where I would have a bday this year.

The day started of at work - I was pretty bored and I think it showed. Then this afternoon I spent at a Spa - Khartoum style - facial mask had an odd burning sensation, I hope I dont wake up with hives tomorrow.

Mr. Man called to wish me happy birthday - is it me or are we beginning to have problems - Something is wrong he is drifting - damn and I really really love the dude.

Yesterday was really weird meeting with R - how do you react to a woman who clearly is in love with your man. I honestly dont know how to react. Im jealous and I cant do anything about it - Im embarrased I actually tried to show off to her yesterday - talking about all my international travel, but no matter what she clearly has a bond with him. Then I cant believe how much he has told her about us - How is it her business that he slept on the couch when he last visited. I know they talk on the phone more than we do. She is jealous too and it hurts her when she talks about him - if I wasnt soo sad I would laugh.

Well hopefully one day soon I will look at this and smile - I just wish it could be easy for us all. Hell of a birthday blog but nomatter what the problems on the social side - got to make resolutions.

This year
1. Pray more, I used to have a close relationship with God, thats kind of gone lately. Have to work at it.
2. Get the career really moving - wasted a perfect chance today - let a deadline skip; That will never ever happen again.
3. Lose the weight. I guess the diet starts tomorrow coz there is so much sugar in Khartoum but now I am serious. I guess the more I blog about it , the more I think about it, the more likely I am to do something about it.
4. Socially do more, hang out with pals more but less clubbing, maybd do one charity thing this year, get involved with a childrens home and be active.
5. Work hard at a relationship. I want marriage and babies next year - by Dec 2008. I have exactly 18 months to do that, 9 to meet Mr. Right and then get pregnant right away.

Well Im counting my blessings today. I have a fabulous family, a fabulous job, a fabulous boyfriend(atleast today he is) and a great life. Thank God for that. Happy Birthday.

Weight loss

2007-06-18T03:04:00.000-07:00

I know earlier I have proclaimed that I dont want to lose weight but I have changed my mind. Many reasons have made me change my mind. I always thought I was real confident but I guess I am not.

Two weeks ago, my new love gives me a towel from his gym as a gift. When we pass by the supermarket (health section he wants to check out slimming teas). I hate hints like that but the message is loud and clear.

Then the other day at lunch one of my dear friends points out that every time I talk about relationships with men its like they are doing me a favour by being in a relationship with me. I was hurt and stunned by what she said but somehow when I really think about it - its true. Could my weight be the major reasons I dont have successful relationships.

This last weekend - my grandpa's funeral. It was sad listening to people murmer at how huge I had become. Especially as I sat next to my sister who is now a whole 12 sizes smaller than I am.

Then this morning, looking through my email, I see Dr. Claude's email - 2 years ago. Shape up or lose your job. I hated that mail and ofcourse rebelled against it like crazy. But he did have a point, I just hated hearing about it. Ive had quite a number of experiences that are not funny, when you have to ask for an extension seatbelt on a plane or visit a refugee camp where everyone is really thin and you really stand out - I guess his email makes sense.

So today I make up my mind to lose weight. And hopefully this will be a great weight loss blog.

I found me a man

2007-03-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

I found me a man,

He be a damn cute man from Down South.

This is our story.

Met this man on one of my many trips in the least likely place - Khartoum. I first noticed him at the airport, the brother is fine, head turning fine, no exaggerations the kind of guy you drool over. It was one of those crazy flights, got my seat but KQ seated some obnoxious South African swimming team guy on my seat. As we tried to determine who was in the right place, the airhostess kept saying my name out loud. I was mad as hell by the time I was finally seated. Get to Khartoum, ofcourse half my luggage is left on the flight onward to Cairo - why is it if you have a bad day it keeps getting worse. Then I noticed him, blue t shirt, blue jeans (who am I kidding never noticed what he was wearing). I stopped paused for a minute appreciated and then turned my attention to the grounds staff at Khartoum airport, try explaining to an Arabic speaking with little english woman how your suitcases look like and you will know what frustration is about.

Anyway Mr. Lookgood and his crew, leave me at the airport and I forget about them. An hour later, I have reported my missing luggage its off to the hotel.

Now there are crap hotels and crap hotels. This one is the queen of crap hotels. infact its only beaten by one in Shire Ethiopia. People who work in the humanitarian world love a saving and this hotel was recommended by a collegue who said I could save 50 dollars a day if I stayed in that hotel instead of the ones prescribed by the organisation. Its recommendation was many UN staff stay there. Anyway I walk in its almost midnight. Even at night I noticed the dust. As I am checking in - Hello eyecandy is in the same hotel. He is looking quite frustrated, something is very wrong with his room. I grab my keys maybe it wont be such a bad evening after all. I smile my absolute brightest and drag my suitcase to my room.

I enter the room and start a quick survey, I had been to KRT before, first check the loo, I am in shock, The whole entire bathroom is soo dirty, infact the whole hotel room is dirty, I look at the bed, I guess those sheets were once white but they arent any more. Wait the mattress is sticking out of the bed - It cant be - I lift the bed Its made up of two uneven blocks of timber, looks like someone went to a Timber yard and just picked two planks and set those as the bed. So I get out of the room, now I understand why my dude was complaining. I will not sleep here. I go back to reception. Can I have another room, I hadnt noticed the dude but he can hear me from the flight of stairs above and he starts laughing. He comes back down. I guess he has to see this for himself.

"No there are no rooms - madam you have a good room"

'Then please return my deposit, I am going to look for another hotel' I demand

Then Mr. Handsome steps in; Where will I find a hotel room at midnight in Khartoum, where will I find a taxi, do I want to really go out into the night. I am tired and stressed so I slowly drag my suitcase back to my room. Remove my travelling Khanga, spread them on the bed and pray for sleep.

Fast forward - 2 pm the next day. After a long training session that had began at 7:30 am I get back to the hotel determined to check out. This time I meet my dude at the reception with a bunch of his mates. They decide to make small talk, where I work etc, he makes a joke about my wanting to leave, I ask about the restaurant - Its Ramadhan - all fast food places closed no hotel in sight not that I want to walk in 40 + weather to look for food. Maybe I will drink a Soda, that should tide me coz I am shaking with hunger, last meal was KQ chicken thingy on the plane and a glass of juice during the training session. Mr Handsome offers to sit with me in the restaurant and we decide to brave an omlet and bread, Him some liver and bread with soda. I kid you not some of the things we eat out there?

Smart dating 2007 part 2 - the relationship manuals

2007-01-10T05:53:00.000-08:00

So last year was a total disaster in the dating arena. Less than 10 days out of 365 days in a year doing very very badly. Funny thing I think I have a very active social life - it just isnt of the dating kind.

Then I read the paper, there are 325,000 of us and no serious men in Kenya anymore. I kinda like those stats removes the pressure that something could be wrong with me but also creates a challenge - if really the numbers are that bad then a plan B has to be devised.

Then there is another reason I am doing this. On Christmas day - Uncle K gets drunk; the topic turns to relationships and all eyes turn on me. Uncle K starts analysing why he thinks I will remain a spinster forever despite the fact that he believes that I would be the perfect wife infact he offers to tell anyone he ever meets that I am the perfect wife. Anyways here are his 5 reasons 1) You are too independent 2) You are earning too much money 3) Your educational background scares off most guys - really? 4) Your job is too demanding - its one thing to travel around the world but who wants such a wife is his answer 5) You are too big. After he speaks - absolute total silence - and all eyes on me again. Its a good thing I am a great actress because it was really hard to hear those words. Uncle K has a failed marriage so I will not take what he says seriously. He also has a bad habit of saying things he shouldnt. But we love him, he is family and thus he is 'forgiven'.

But could there be any ounce of truth in what he said. The money part and independent part are total hogwash (anything over 5000 is alot of money for uncle K, he sees me once a year so he cant be a judge on independence) Big thats true but come on - I dont think Im chopped liver - infact many days I look at the mirror and smile. My job - I absolutely love it. It took me a while to get it and Im going to hold onto it. Education - thinking of going for more classes and nothing will discourage that not even uncle K's drunken ramblings.

So given the competition and now that it is likely that its not raining men I need to learn as much as possible about relationships.
First step - analyse last years relationships (previous post) - Nothing wrong with those chaps they are just not the right ones for me.
Second step - Read all I can about relationships. So I am reading, www.catchhimandkeephim.com this was recommended by a friend. I am still deciding whether to buy the e-book .

Todays reading : 5 Dating Mistakes That Turn Men Off For Good. The main premise

Men DON'T MAKE MUCH SENSE to women anyway.
His advice: I am going to have to learn to STOP doing what makes "sense" to me ... And START doing what it is that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTED and MORE INTERESTED in me.

AND: this is what guys are looking for

Physical Appearance (the obvious one): If youhave a specific hip-to-waist ratio, withoutconsciously "measuring" it, a man will see it and possibly feel a physical attraction. ( HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM - I WILL NEVER LOOK LIKE A SUPERMODEL and I dont really want to lose weight).

Health: Things like how white the whites in youreyes are, your scent, and the tone and nature of your skin are all subtle indicators of a healthy immune system. Men find white eyes, certain scents, and smooth skin attractive not because they know they indicate that a woman is healthy and will have a high likelihood of success for offspring, but because they FEEL ATTRACTED to these things for some reason.-(My eyes are not white - I sit infront of a computer all day ok? My skin is ok apart from the time I used that new foundation but Im healing well, My scent - I do not go for a date without Micheal Germain's SEXUAL liberally sprinkled on me. It took me years to find that perfume and I know I smell good so no problems there)

"Emotional Fitness": If a woman has the kind of attitude and "vibe" about her that is fun to be around, stimulating, exciting, and positive and consistent... then a man unconsciously will see her as a good long-term mate. (If you have read this blog - be the judge of emotional fitness - judge kindly please)

Smart dating 2007? part 1

2007-01-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

One of this years resolutions - find me a good man.
The competition- 325,000 other Kenyan women on the same search if our papers are to be believed. The only positive thing from all this - I now have an answer to the question all aunties ask - When will you get married? The answer - I am a statistic - in the husband crisis of Kenya.

So since I hate being a statistic, this year I will begin smart dating - first look back at past relationships (dates) and why I failed to meet a mate last year.

1st step and the content of this post - Analyse the men I met and dated in 2006.

Jan met C 1- Married dude - no go zone - end of story. Three dates till I found out - loved the flowers havent recieved a dozen red roses in years but will not commit adultry so it was goodbye.

May - June C - 2 - 3 dates, you came on strong and that was flattering. Date 1 and the major problem begins - a galfriend comes to sit with us - its true we are judged by our friends. Gal starts talking about how she has her sights on a rich mzungu fellow - who will leave is mzungu wife for her and she will move into his mansion in Muthaiga, she is quite funny but I cant figure out what is really going on only thing I can clearly see is your relationship not very platonic.
Date 2. Another date this time its your cousin - 50 year old man and his little 18 year old gal .... Now how am I supposed to get to know you if all dates are drinking meetings with your pals. Date 3 its my bday, wish I had another date but I guess im stuck with you - want a date on my birthday too. You name a lovely restaurant am excited then ...I cant believe its lunch with a business buddy? Then the conversation during lunch is about you need 50,000 ASAP (ie that afternoon) and those eyes that keep darting towards me like I would offer? I have only met you 4 times dude - I dont think so.

March - August V. I am not sure whether to classify you as a date but you made me hope so your in here buddy.... The first time I see you - I feel sorry for you. You come into a meeting sit next to a gal I know and she just gets up and walks away to another seat. I should have known then there was something about you but my first instinct was poor guy and why would that gal do that? Anyway before the evening is over you have my number. You dont call and neither do i that first month so why do you chew me out for not communicating. Then the emails begin. Your really smart and funny. I start looking forward to reading from you every morning when I get to work. We seem to share some things in common soI get all starry eyed until I talk to my friend... Its seems you are quite the casanova. What I cant fathom was how I behaved like a desparate gal and not even my friends could discourage me from communicating with you. So everyone is saying you are a playa but I feel we are really connecting - ha. Then comes the missed date: how can you confirm a date at 5:30 pm for 7:00 pm that evening and then fail to show up at all. To say I am mad - thats an understatement. But that is the beginning of the end. I might be slow because I still continue to talk to you and you even get the chance to invite me for a few other 'imaginary' dates but those bounced invitations dont hurt anymore infact I am now keeping score its 25 times you have offered to spend time with me but its never materialised. Before everyone reading this blog thinks Im crazy its just that its now a game, infact in any conversation that we have I always say that I am going to some place, you always offer to accompany me, I say yes and promptly forget about the invitation as you do too. What I wonder is if this is how you conduct your business you are so not reliable. I noticed it in other spheres of your life too and have heard if from other people too. Do you know no one relies on you at all for anything. People make plans with you and the minute you offer to do something - contingency plans are made. Anyways maybe one day the girl of your dreams will come by and you will keep time and keep dates with her. It clearly was not me so goodbye and goodluck.

September T. He resurfaces after a long time. There were times I used to think T was my soulmate. We met over 5 years ago and for the first two years I met you I was totally and utterly in love with you but you said nothing, did nothing. So why did I think you were coming back???. Over the years you always did kept in touch. Its amazing how you remembered my birthday all these years and are always the first one to wish me a happy day. Then you resurface - imagine my surprise when you confirmed a date, a real actual date just like old times. I loved our time together and it was good to catch up, in my eyes you are still a sweetie and will always be. The date ends with a promise of us hooking up once again soon and then you go back to your sms routine. Granted the smses are more regular now atleast once a week but they say nothing. "Hey how are you doing, I hope you are well". WHAT DO YOU WANT DUDE? Anyway I will continue to be polite say hey back but Im disappointed.

September L- Not a real date but this is real funny so has to be included here. Blind date being hooked up by a friend. Begin relationship by chatting with him when I get his email from my friend. He works in one of those far off places. Then he comes into town. I get a call at about 9 pm, apparently the guy is practically my neighbour and he wants to pop in for a brief chat and to meet me. There is a black out in the neighbourhood but I still say its ok. The dude comes to the door - Pretty good looking man - takes a double take when he sees me or is it my size - clearly not what he is expecting. I guess I do sound better on mail than I look :) Its great I have a sense of humor about how I look or would have been crushed by his comical expression . He comes in - I serve him juice and then we go through the most uncomfortable chit chat about life in general. Lights come back in some flats but not mine. A blessing or a curse? Anyway 20 minutes later he is out my door. I already know I will never see him again - have made no attachments even to the mail so its ok when he dont write - I dont write him either.

So thats how come I am a December 24th, 2006 statistic.
Are there good single men out there - you betcha? Will I meet one - hmmm given last years track record pickings looking pretty slim. I can only hold my breath and hope that this year brings better tidings. At least I know what didnt work - that should count for something shouldnt it? Next post. The relationships manuals - can I learn anything from them.

Seeing a financial planner

2006-11-14T23:33:00.000-08:00

I have made an appointment to see a financial planner early next week - I know I need someone to help me sort out my finances and he is apparently real good if you listen and obey him to the letter. I have a friend who has been religiously visiting him for about 3 years and now she is buying a house. I really wish I had started visiting him then but I guess its never too late.

This guy had better be a miracle worker. Atleast I hope that between now and then I really can get the discipline to listen to what he has to say becoz I know I am in deep funk if I go on this way. You see the problem I have is no matter how much money enters my bank account at the end of the month, I still manage to finish it all by the very next paycheck. Its almost uncanny - once in a while I will make some extra money above my paycheck an extra 100 - 200 dollars which should actually stay saved in my account but no... every month the day before my pay comes into my account always reads Ksh. 500 and those are the good months.

I know I need discipline. I have tried the budgets - I have a daily one, a weekly one, a monthly one, a yearly one but it all gets blown. The daily one - impromptu coffee with the gals and there it goes. The weekly one - The mama's selling clothes, perfume around the office etc, the monthly one - a family member or friend in crisis - soft loan that does get paid eventually but which gets misappropriated... I think you get my drift.

I am consoling myself that I am redeemable and that all is not lost; Im not in debt yet and have managed to do a little saving - this money ofcourse comes straight from my employer to the Sacco, a standing order pays for my pension plan, Ive managed to buy a few stocks this year (very little money though). I hope all is not lost and this man really is a miracle worker.

My travel escapades this year

2006-11-10T04:50:00.000-08:00

I love to travel. Nothing as much fun as visiting a different country seeing the different cultures and seeing how different or the same we all are.

Today I was cleaning up my mailbox and came across a couple of emails I sent my friends from different locations, they have made me smile so I guess I will post them here.

THAILAND
Hi gal,

Today I finally have sometime to write about Thailand, let me begin at the airport leaving Nairobi.

I am standing in line waiting to check in when I see this dude looking behind as if waiting for a friend who is late, he keeps staring but I dont think he is looking at me. Anyway I check in and then go to duty free walk around, and then its time to wait at the boarding gate so I sit and then he comes sits across me. He introduces himself C someone, and asks where I am going, I tell him Bangkok he seems sad and asks if I will stay in Dubai for long. Anyway he tells me he is off to Dubai and Singapore for Business. He looks 28 - 32 and he is short and dark but ok looking. Anyway he gives me his card and I tell him I am bila card so he produces another for me to write my address, I write but omit my cell number then he asks for my cell so I andika for him. We chat then its time to board and he is sitting directly in front of me. I lenga him during most of the trip to Dubai but at some point the guy next to me wants to go to the loo so I have to get up from the Aisle seat and then our dude holds my hand and wont let go. I am thinking ok this guy is very strange.

In Dubai, we get on the bus to the international terminal and I have to get off first, he keeps trying to convince me that I should just go on with him get a 3 day visa to Dubai and hang out - we can have a holiday. Needless to say I am happy to leave him coz he is coming on too strong.
At Dubai airport I walk around and whom do I see, I. she was with me in college and now she is in Aus. I am soo glad to see her we just hang around window shop and then its time to board to Bangkok.

Bangkok is on holiday when I arrive, I couldnt get over how big the place is. The city just goes on and on. The hotel I stayed was nice. I am too tired day 1 to do anything so I just lala. Day 2 I wake early go for a fantastic breakfast, my first real taste of Thailand, even in the village where I am now the food is good. After it I call my Thai boss he tells me he is packing coz he is moving house and so I decide not to disturb him and explore on my own. I go and take a tuk tuk, who take me to this place where they are selling jewellery - 'Just look no buy'. Later I was to discover that its better to pay the high rates in taxi's than agree to the tuk tuk deals I do 4 such trips by the end of the day. Anyway their warehouses are nice there are all this rings and jewels, rubies, sapphires and green garnets, its really cool but I am not about to buy any jewellery, I have already lost all the pieces from Ethiopia so I have decided its just a waste of money for me to buy that stuff. I finally get to a mall their malls are great; you can shop shop shop but I cant dont have much money to spend but I browse all day, get a few books on Thai cooking and paperbacks and then head back to my hotel, another taxi another jewel store. I get back at 4 pm and just relax.

Usiku I decide to go to a pub, there is an Irish pub near my hotel, I go there its a sports bar there is premier league showing DSTV - Im surprised DSTV in Asia? Arsenal playing - no need to stay here get enough of it in Nairobi. Outside the pub is the biggest party I have ever seen. Its Songkran everyone is outside with big water pistols and buckets of water and paint, to say I get wet is an understatement but its too much fun watching the crazy Thais wash each other. I walk around and end up on a street where I can hear music R &B so I stop buy some CD's I hope to get some more when Im coming back its all pirated and I feel bad buying it but the labeling fantastic - cant tell it apart from the originals. Then I walk into a pub with a band playing live popular music, they have some black guys playing too, I am the only miro really dancing in my seat and the rest just watching. Then this chick decides she likes me and sits next to me. I still dont know if she was gay or not but she clings by my side all night, I dont gas her at all but we dance, at about midnight and 4 more Gins along the way some very fine Black men come to the club, but they dont show any interest in me - too bad. I figure anyway I am too drunk and go to my hotel.

On my way to the hotel I meet 2 African men who insist I must sit with them. They are from Mali, I sit with them a little and then tell them I am tired and need to go to my hotel. They decide to walk me there and one of them just holds my hand saying YOU ARE SOO LOOVELY. Its too hilarious and when we get to my hotel he tells his friend to wacha us like he will come to my room. - Hello are they nuts. So when I tell him he cant come in we decide to walk in the streets of Bangkok, Songkran is still going on and its fun to watch. This dude has lines like you cant believe about how lovely I am and how he comes to buy rubies in Kenya and how he will come to visit me in Kenya and YOU ARE SOO LOVELY GAL. He is kinda cute and I am totally drunk on the air, the festivities and about 7 Gin and tonics so we go sit by a building and talk, at 5. 00 am, Bangkok still active we walk to my hotel and he is in shock when I tell him hell no he still cant enter my hotel but it was nice talking to him and I havent done that in a long time.

Anyway I go lala and wake up the next day at 1 pm. I decide to stay in watch some TV movies at 4 I go tafuta chakula on the streets thats where I eat in Bangkok, most Thai guys dont cook they just eat by from vendors on the street and the food is really good.

At 6 pm I call my boss he says we will meet at the airport at 7 am the next morning so I start arranging to check out of my hotel and just stay in. I wake up at 5.30 am and prepare to leave the hotel at 6:00....

Ok this email too long - tomorrow I will tell you about the rest of my week.
Have a lovely day

KHARTOUM

Hey gal

Hey, Hope your day going sawa. Mine I am not too sure having had 3 hours of sleep and then doing full days work. Khartoum is an interesting city. First we couldnt land because of a serious sandstorm so we went to Ethiopia (Addis) and cooled our heels at Addis Airport (Bole) in the plane filled with loud Ghanaians (who kept saying how come the wings not moving) and Sudanese who had some sort of incense thing going on.

The only salvation to the trip was a very interesting Nigerian man who was sitting next to me. First he is a guru on the NGO world and what I need to do to get ahead. But what was funny was he was terrified of something happening to the plane (His wife is due to give birth any day her EDD is 12 June and according to his culture when an unborn son is about to come to the world there is a spiritual battle between the dead and living with the son trying to take over his fathers spirit - so in his culture the men should not travel go to war or do anything that can harm them coz the sons will take the spirits) So when we got diverted to Addis he was very frightened infact I literally had to hold this mans hand all the way from Addis to Khartoum to reasure him nothing was going to happen. I really marketed KQ pilots on their perfect landing and I am glad we had a perfect landing albeit 6 hours late. That baby had better be named after me in honour of the work I did. My prize for being soo good. I got an autographed book on the Caste system of the Osu a book our eminent lawyer from Nigeria authoured.

When I arrived at the airport 5 hours late I was soo glad I am such a perfectionist when it comes to travel. All my collegues were wondering why I was insisting Khartoum book my hotel and send me directions and yet there was supposed to be a driver to pick me up. It helped that I knew the hotel. Anyway, I fell for the oldest old cab driver trick, someone approached me and asked if I needed a taxi. As soon as I said yes I was taken to the oldest Junk taxi in the airport ( C - its older than the KMA we used to take outside Upper Hill Springs). The Northern Sudanese are generally friendly people if only I could hear what they are saying. This morning was up by 6:00 am. After work, I had what was the highlight of the day. I got a tour of the Nile. Went to see the Blue Nile, then the White Nile (pole- no colour difference) and then where the two meet. Its a shame you cant take photos in this city. I would have had some beauties. Now I am back in the hotel - this place is really expensive and the class is very mboff. I am paying 75 dollars a night for a small crampy room with a broken loo. TV is a 14 inch tv all channels in Arabic and although I dont know much about River Road hotels - This is how I would imagine them to be. So for 75dollars its an absolute rip off. Get back to work more tomorrow.
Cheers

Now this post is too long. More tomorrow.

The reason

2006-11-08T05:31:00.000-08:00

Hi I am glad you stopped by, let me introduce myself, I am in the process of writing the great novel - "yeah right". I am writing not because I am a great storyteller, infact its probably just the opposite - that is why I was soo happy to discover blogging. That way I can do my online writing each day fulfill that part of my ego that has something to say and send it out there into cyberspace.

This blog is about my life and what I am thinking at the exact moment of the blog - yes I see you yawning already and about to flip the page but I would urge you not to. Read on; my life is no more interesting than yours but thats no reason for you not to read about my day. Infact post something and I will visit your blog too and we can keep each other company and possibly get entertained reading about each other lifes.

About me: I work for a large international company, its a good job especially because once in a while I get to travel to different countries, mainly within Africa although I do get to see other continents as well. This blog will many a time dwell on my tales on the road. Then I am single and ofcourse there will be plenty of drama in this blog around my single life... I have a fabulous set of friends who have plenty of drama in their lives and since its very unlikely they will ever come across this blog i might let you in on their lives - anoymously ofcourse. I cant think of any other reasons at the moment - pretty shallow - yeah I guess so but this is my blog you want deep intellectual stuff please go somewhere else.